This topic might seems ‘off’ or preachy for some. But in this trying times where fitnahs are all around us, this issue needs to be brought up. And as my children grow, they see how some people around them celebrate birthdays or they see in their “innocent” storybooks on birthday parties, I believe it is about time we have a true discussion.
A short introduction:
From Collins’s dictionary: birthday is defined as the anniversary of the date that you were born. While celebration is a special enjoyable event that people organize because something pleasant has happened or because it is someone’s birthday or anniversary.
Why birthdays are not celebrated in Islam:
1. Celebrating birthday is bid’ah or innovation in Islam which has no basis in the law of Islam (Sharia’h)- not in the Quran nor in Sunnah.
“Whoever innovates something in this matter of ours (Islam) that is not part of it, will have it rejected.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim).
2. It involves the imitation of the people of Jahiliyyah or any other groups of non-muslims.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You would follow the ways of those who came before you step by step, to such an extent that if they were to enter a lizard’s hole, you would enter it too.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, (do you mean) the Jews and Christians?” He said, “Who else?”
(Reported by al-Bukhaari and Muslim).
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also said: “Whoever imitates a people, he is one of them”.
With that being said, how do we deal with this issue should our children ask?
1. Tell them as it is and what kind of celebration is allowed in islam.
عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ النُّعْمَانِ بْنِ بَشِيرٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا، قَالَ: سَمِعْت رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه و سلم يَقُولُ: “إنَّ الْحَلَالَ بَيِّنٌ، وَإِنَّ الْحَرَامَ بَيِّنٌ، وَبَيْنَهُمَا أُمُورٌ مُشْتَبِهَاتٌ لَا يَعْلَمُهُنَّ كَثِيرٌ مِنْ النَّاسِ، فَمَنْ اتَّقَى الشُّبُهَاتِ فَقْد اسْتَبْرَأَ لِدِينِهِ وَعِرْضِهِ، وَمَنْ وَقَعَ فِي الشُّبُهَاتِ وَقَعَ فِي الْحَرَامِ، كَالرَّاعِي يَرْعَى حَوْلَ الْحِمَى يُوشِكُ أَنْ يَرْتَعَ فِيهِ، أَلَا وَإِنَّ لِكُلِّ مَلِكٍ حِمًى، أَلَا وَإِنَّ حِمَى اللَّهِ مَحَارِمُهُ، أَلَا وَإِنَّ فِي الْجَسَدِ مُضْغَةً إذَا صَلَحَتْ صَلَحَ الْجَسَدُ كُلُّهُ، وَإذَا فَسَدَتْ فَسَدَ الْجَسَدُ كُلُّهُ، أَلَا وَهِيَ الْقَلْبُ”.
[رَوَاهُ الْبُخَارِيُّ]، [وَمُسْلِمٌ] .
On the authority of an-Nu’man ibn Basheer (ra), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say, “That which is lawful is clear and that which is unlawful is clear, and between the two of them are doubtful matters about which many people do not know. Thus he who avoids doubtful matters clears himself in regard to his religion and his honor, but he who falls into doubtful matters [eventually] falls into that which is unlawful, like the shepherd who pastures around a sanctuary, all but grazing therein. Truly every king has a sanctuary, and truly Allah’s sanctuary is His prohibitions. Truly in the body there is a morsel of flesh, which, if it be whole, all the body is whole, and which, if it is diseased, all of [the body] is diseased. Truly, it is the heart.”
[Bukhari & Muslim]
Hadith 6, 40 Hadith an-Nawawi
The earlier our young children are taught, the more they will feel submited to the rules. Will children feel left out or ocstracised if they do not celebrate birthday? To be honest, they will only feel that way if YOU (parents) let them feel that way. Guide our children that Allah has set some guidelines / rules in Islam. Thus as Muslims, we are obligated to follow these rules in order to attain His mercy, love & ultimately His Jannah.
2. Maximise the celebration in Islam.
In Islam, there are 2 celebrations that are allowed:
أَخْبَرَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ حُجْرٍ، قَالَ أَنْبَأَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا حُمَيْدٌ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، قَالَ كَانَ لأَهْلِ الْجَاهِلِيَّةِ يَوْمَانِ فِي كُلِّ سَنَةٍ يَلْعَبُونَ فِيهِمَا فَلَمَّا قَدِمَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم الْمَدِينَةَ قَالَ “ كَانَ لَكُمْ يَوْمَانِ تَلْعَبُونَ فِيهِمَا وَقَدْ أَبْدَلَكُمُ اللَّهُ بِهِمَا خَيْرًا مِنْهُمَا يَوْمَ الْفِطْرِ وَيَوْمَ الأَضْحَى ” .
It was narrated that Anas bin Malik said: “The people of the Jahiliyyah had two days each year when they would play. When the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) came to Al-Madinah he said: ‘You had two days when you would play, but Allah (SWT) has given Muslims something instead that is better than them: the day of Al-Fitr and the day of Al-Adha.'”
Sunan an-Nasa’i 1556
grade: Sahih
And on these days, Muslims are encouraged to glorify Allah, enjoy and celebrate the occasion with family and friends (as long as it is not against the guidelines given).
Children will not feel like they miss out on birthday celebration when we go “all-out” during Eid occasions.
The 2 Eids belong to Muslims, so why not make a big deal out of it? As long as it is not:
-imitating the non-muslims
-no wastage is done;
Celebrate the joyous days and make your children happy, enjoy your eid! Include them in the preparation, ask their opinions on what they want to do during eid, which clean beautiful clothes that they can wear, the decoration and many more.
3. Do not limit present/ cakes for birthdays only.
Children always associate birthdays with cakes, presents and parties. So why not we reward them with presents/treats on “normal days”. A reward for sharing their toys, for memorising a particular surah, a treat for doing the housework maybe? The reward does not have to a lavish one.
A cake does not need to be elaborate with fancy decorations (I mean, we are normal moms here who have a pile of dishes to do) , a simple store-bought pre-mix cake that you can bake together with your child is more than enough!
We made a book party before. My girls decorated and set up the table. We ate, read books together and simply enjoy each other’s company.
Have an outdoor party for no apparent reason – you do not need a reason to spend time with your kids ; invite some friends over too!
4. Teach them love is not materialistic.
Children need to know that our love for them is beyond tangible stuffs. We do not necessarily equate love with materials stuffs. Not celebrating birthdays does not mean we love them less, but instead; we love them so much for the sake of Allah and the hereafter that we steer them away from wordly affairs. Attaining Jannah is our goal and to attain that, we need to attain Allah’s Redha first.
حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ نُمَيْرٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبِي وَمُحَمَّدُ بْنُ بِشْرٍ، قَالاَ حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ بْنُ أَبِي خَالِدٍ، عَنْ قَيْسِ بْنِ أَبِي حَازِمٍ، قَالَ سَمِعْتُ الْمُسْتَوْرِدَ، أَخَا بَنِي فِهْرٍ يَقُولُ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ يَقُولُ “ مَا مَثَلُ الدُّنْيَا فِي الآخِرَةِ إِلاَّ مَثَلُ مَا يَجْعَلُ أَحَدُكُمْ إِصْبَعَهُ فِي الْيَمِّ فَلْيَنْظُرْ بِمَ يَرْجِعُ ” .
Mustawrid, a brother of Banu Fihr, said: “I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say: ‘The likeness of this world in comparison to the Hereafter is that of anyone of you dipping his finger into the sea: let him see what he brings forth.’”
Sunan Ibn Majah 4108
https://sunnah.com/ibnmajah:4108
Grade: Sahih.
5. Never reprimand those who celebrate, but pray for their guidance.
حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ حَاتِمِ بْنِ مَيْمُونٍ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا يَزِيدُ بْنُ كَيْسَانَ، عَنْ أَبِي حَازِمٍ الأَشْجَعِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم لِعَمِّهِ ” قُلْ لاَ إِلَهَ إِلاَّ اللَّهُ أَشْهَدُ لَكَ بِهَا يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ” . قَالَ لَوْلاَ أَنْ تُعَيِّرَنِي قُرَيْشٌ يَقُولُونَ إِنَّمَا حَمَلَهُ عَلَى ذَلِكَ الْجَزَعُ لأَقْرَرْتُ بِهَا عَيْنَكَ فَأَنْزَلَ اللَّهُ { إِنَّكَ لاَ تَهْدِي مَنْ أَحْبَبْتَ وَلَكِنَّ اللَّهَ يَهْدِي مَنْ يَشَاءُ}
It is narrated on the authority of Abu Huraira that the Messenger of Allah said to his uncle (at the time of his death): Make a profession of it that there is no god but Allah and I will bear testimony (of your being a Muslim) on the Day of judgment. He (Abu Talib) said: Were it not the fear of the Quraysh blaming me (and) saying that it was the fear of (approaching death) that induced me to do so, I would have certainly delighted your eyes. It was then that Allah revealed: ” Verily thou canst not guide to the right path whom thou lovest. And it is Allah Who guideth whom He will and He knoweth best who are the guided” (xxviii-56).
Sahih Muslim 25b
Taking one small step at a time- let us all strive to achieve Allah’s redha/pleasure and unite us all in the highest Jannah inshaAllah!
حَدَّثَنَا سُوَيْدُ بْنُ نَصْرٍ، أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ الْمُبَارَكِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الْوَهَّابِ بْنِ الْوَرْدِ، عَنْ رَجُلٍ، مِنْ أَهْلِ الْمَدِينَةِ قَالَ كَتَبَ مُعَاوِيَةُ إِلَى عَائِشَةَ أُمِّ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ رضى الله عنها أَنِ اكْتُبِي إِلَىَّ كِتَابًا تُوصِينِي فِيهِ وَلاَ تُكْثِرِي عَلَىَّ . فَكَتَبَتْ عَائِشَةُ رضى الله عنها إِلَى مُعَاوِيَةَ سَلاَمٌ عَلَيْكَ أَمَّا بَعْدُ فَإِنِّي سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ “ مَنِ الْتَمَسَ رِضَاءَ اللَّهِ بِسَخَطِ النَّاسِ كَفَاهُ اللَّهُ مُؤْنَةَ النَّاسِ وَمَنِ الْتَمَسَ رِضَاءَ النَّاسِ بِسَخَطِ اللَّهِ وَكَلَهُ اللَّهُ إِلَى النَّاسِ ” . وَالسَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكَ . حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يُوسُفَ، عَنْ سُفْيَانَ الثَّوْرِيِّ، عَنْ هِشَامِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، أَنَّهَا كَتَبَتْ إِلَى مُعَاوِيَةَ فَذَكَرَ الْحَدِيثَ بِمَعْنَاهُ وَلَمْ يَرْفَعْهُ .
‘Abdul-Wahhab bin Al-Ward narrated from a man among the inhabitants of Al-Madinah who said: “Mu’awiyah wrote a letter to ‘Aishah, that: ‘Write a letter to advise me , and do not overburden me.'” He said: “So ‘Aishah [may Allah be pleased with her]wrote to Mu’awiyah: ‘Peace be upon you. As for what follows: Indeed I heard the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) saying: Whoever seeks Allah’s pleasure by the people’s wrath, Allah will suffice him from the people. And who ever seeks the people’s pleasure by Allah’s wrath, Allah will entrust him to the people. And Peace be upon you.'”
Jami` at-Tirmidhi 2414
https://sunnah.com/tirmidhi:2414
Grade: Hasan
Raising muslim kidlets 